He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
