I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
