I think my fart just growled at me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
