My nipple is on Facebook.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
