You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
