Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
