I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My vagina is officially offended.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
