Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am midnight drunk by noon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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