Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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