i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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