Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
