just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
