It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
