Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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