I've blown a few things in my day
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
