Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
