Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
