Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
