you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
