My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
