How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
