I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
