I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
