Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Boobs are out for the taking
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
