There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
