new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize