Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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