If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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