I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
