dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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