those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
