My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
