I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
