in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
