i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
