Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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