hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize