yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
