Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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