So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
