you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Mom said you looked used
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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