somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
