Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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