Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
