I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
