i was born a porn star she said
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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