last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
