____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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