he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
