Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
