I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
