He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
