This is not my ceiling
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
