I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize