dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
