she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
