Sacagawea was the original milf.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
