He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
