I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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