my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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