i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
