I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
