Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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