Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize