wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
