Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize